"Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death."
- "Big Book" Chapter 3: More About Alcoholism"
The other day I walked to the library to check out some books for new art pieces I was working on. I had a great resolve that day but the library was closed (thanks government). So I was derailed in a matter of seconds and walked right over to the corner bar and drank all afternoon.
I was up to my old tricks in no time. Being cute and coy at the bar to have guys buy be drinks, because I definitely didn't have the money for an afternoon binge. But, in my head I was just out to lunch like everyone else. I guess when I saw people come in and then watched them walk out I realized, again, that I was still different and still not a casual drinker.
I drank till the money ran out.
What is inside, or not inside, of our heads that leads us to believe that we are the same as everyone else? As someone who thinks I am somewhat better than others : ), it is hard to let something negative like "I am an alcoholic' define me. Why can others just have a few and go back to life. Don't they understand that this IS life?!?!
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