Big Book Stuff: The Insanity of Alcoholism

In the last few meetings I have been too the topic of the insanity of the disease of alcoholism has been the main topic of discussion. 

Nothing that I could ever say can explain the true nutty thought processes of a real alcoholic like it does in the Big Book. Here is one of my favorite quotes, and my general reaction to them: 

"But, there is always the curious mental phenomenon that parallel with our second reasoning there inevitably ran some insanely trivial excuse for taking the first drink. Our second reasoning failed to hold us in check. The insane idea won out. Next day we would ask ourselves, in all sincerity, how could it have happened?"

- More About Alcoholism, Page 37

There is a saying that any AA will tell you "One is too many and a thousand is never enough". This statement, perhaps above all others has been truer to me than any other. I needed to take a hard look at my thought processes, or sometimes lack thereof, to see that in my twisted brain that that first drink was always my downfall. 

I have NEVER only had one drink. Ever. And as soon as that first sip touched my lips it was always the thought about how I could have more and more. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. How could I ever think that I could have just one this time? I never have gotten an answer to that question. Which is just one more reason I know I am an alcoholic. 

- Darbi